Monday, December 10, 2012

Where's The Club Hades Bouncer?

Quote of the Day:
"You have the voice of an angel.  Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus!" - Dale, Step Brothers

I definitely believe that we are all karma's bitch.  The universe has a funny way of (eventually) coming back around to bite you in the sorry derrière for the bad juju you let loose into it.  However, I don't know how much belief I invest in the concept of the afterlife.  According to several organized (and unorganized) religions, our souls are bound to spend eternity in either infinite punishment or infinite paradise (especially since there's apparently no more purgatory anymore.  That narrows the field even further).  One or the other.  Just based on the blip of time we spend on this insignificant-in-the-scheme-of-things rock of ours?  That sounds a little extreme to me.  

And on top of that, just one guy (I believe the goyim refer to him as St. Peter) decides who gets to get in to Heaven?  I didn't think Heaven required a bouncer. Talk about sucky jobs!  I would hate to spend eternity checking people's He's like Santa, except instead of deciding who gets toys or coal, he decides who's naughty and nice enough for eternal paradise.  I can't even begin to describe the myriad shades of gray in that whole debacle!  I know we've spent centuries trying to determine heavenly criteria, but it just sounds like your basic aptitude test to me.  I think I liked the idea of purgatory better: the best of the best (Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Chuck Norris) can go to Heaven, the worst of the worst (Hitler, Jeffrey Dahmer, Casey Anthony) can go to Hell, and the rest of us can just hang out in purgatory.... if loved ones make it to a different floor, they can have visitation rights to the lobby.  That makes things much less complicated, in my opinion.

And how come Hell doesn't have a bouncer?  I get Heaven having one. "No way, you cheated on your taxes. You're goin' downstairs!" But shouldn't Hell have the same regulations?  "Meh, you cheated on your wife, but you were a pretty stand-up guy the rest of the time, so you can't get in."  And how come Hell's the only place with circles?  Shouldn't Heaven get circles too, going the other way?  Yin and yang, y'know?

My theory is that if you're going to designate people to extremes as big as Heaven or Hell, you've gotta have the logistics and details ironed out.

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