Anywho, I awoke this morning to find an amusing little game going on between us theatre junkies on Facebook. People list the top 5 musical theatre roles they would like to play and nominate their fellow theatre junkies to do the same. I was nominated this afternoon, but I had to think about it longer than I thought. Only #1 easily popped into my mind. I had to search through the trove of Broadway roles I knew and loved in my head to find 5 characters that I not only wanted to play, but truly could play.
I know what I am and what I am not. I am not an ingenue. I don't fit the typical Western beauty standards and I can't dance that well. Though I can sing them, I'm not Christine Daae, Eliza Dolittle, Cinderella, Laurie Williams, Fantine, Eponine, Cosette, or Millie Dilmount. When I occasionally get to climb out of the chorus pool, I land those supporting roles that often get a lot of love at the curtain call (I'm not dumping on the ensemble! They're VERY important and often have to work harder than the leads to make the them look good. I'm just bitter about my last audition. Don't mind me). Whether that's me or the character in general, I don't know. But here we go; my Top 5 Dream Roles.
1. Lady of the Lake - Spamalot
This is, hands down, my #1 dream role. She belts like a boss and gets to be shamelessly funny. I identify with her persona pretty closely. She can play a sincere love scene, an soulful and inspirational perseverance anthem, and a resting-bitch-face diva meltdown in a span of 5 minutes. She's totally serious and totally unserious, simultaneously. Perfection.
2. Ms. Pennywise - Urinetown
What's not to love about a character who sings about the dangers of peeing? I unfortunately couldn't find a decent video of this song, but you get the idea...
3. Ruth Sherwood - Wonderful Town
What I love about Ruth is that even though its a starring role, she's obviously not a star in her career or personal life (that's her sister, Eileen). But she is able to persevere by being true to herself and lands the dream career (and man) in the end. I appreciate that she doesn't focus on being pretty or desirable, just because it comes easily to her sister. Happiness comes to her the way she is. Plus she's got some hilarious numbers!
4. The Witch - Into the Woods
I still don't see WHY Bernadette Peters could have played this role in the movie, but that's neither here nor there. The Witch tackles almost every human emotion and remains 100% endearing, even as the "villain" figure through the majority of the show. She's hardened by life and softened by motherhood. She's cynical and sassy. She gets to wear a cape.... Fuckin' Tony gold.
5. Kate - The Wild Party (Lippa)
Who wouldn't want to play a scantily-clad, 1920s coked-up prostitute and belt this number?!
And since there are WAY too many roles out there I'd like to play, here are 5 more:
6. Princess Winifred - Once Upon A Mattress
I got called back for this role, but 'twas not to be. Someday, maybe...
7. Irene Malloy - Hello, Dolly!
The songs she gets to sing. Case closed.
8. Marion Paroo - The Music Man
She gets to sing the ingenue songs, but she's not really an ingenue. She has no desire to be treated like a goddess or a princess, so she falls hard when a man with something intelligent to say treats her with respect.
9. Miss Hannigan - Annie
Seeing as small children irritate me already, I think I'd be pretty bitchin' (no pun intended) in this role! Plus I'm told I fake drunk very well.
10. Fanny Brice - Funny Girl
This one's a tall order. I think my mom does a better Jewish "accent" than I do. If this show and I ever do meet, I'll have to hire her as a vocal coach!